New Year, New Intimacy Goals!

It's always interesting to me when I work with or speak with couples who desire specific things in their relationship as it pertains to intimacy but they don't set the necessary goals to achieve it. Like I tell people all the time, if you want more communication, quality time, physical pleasure, understanding, etc., you have to first identify your intimacy goals and then create a plan to achieve it.

So I challenge you this. While you're making your new year's resolutions about exercising more, getting a better handle over your finances, or finding a new job and/or starting a new business, incorporate some intimacy goals with your partner as well.

Not sure where to start? No problem! Here are a few intimacy goals that I like to provide for couples. I've found as they begin with this list, they get inspired to incorporate more of what suits them.

1. Improve communication skills. This is honestly a lifelong skill that goes a long way no matter if you're in a romantic or platonic relationship. My acronym LUV (Listen, Understand, and Validate) is a sure fire way to improve your communication skills. Instead of talking AT one another, this helps you to effectively communicate with each other. This promotes vulnerability, safety, security, and true intimacy which is vital to any relationship.

2. Conflict Management Skills. Let's face it. You and your partner will not always agree or see things from the same or even similar perspective. This is human nature and the sooner you realize and accept that, the better off you'll be. I have spoken with so many couples who present similar issues in their relationship but the difference is how they handle it. The ability to handle conflict in a constructive, healthy way is an essential element to an intimate relationship.

This will challenge you to dive deeper into what the real issue or issues are and face it head on. So many couples are arguing about things that aren't even the real issue and wonder why they keep spinning their wheels. There is a more effective way to "fight", get your needs met, and move forward but the skills needed to achieve this are so necessary.

3. Increase the quality of physical pleasure. You see I didn't say increase sex in your relationship here. The reason for this is because intimacy isn't always about penetration or orgasms. It's about the quality of the physical experience that brings you closer together.

Physical touch also has physiological benefits as studies have shown that it can lower levels of cortisol which is the stress hormone, decrease symptoms of physical problems such as aches and pains and can increase oxytocin (aka, the "love drug").

When a couple is not consistently engaging in physical touch, this can create a distance between lovers and diminish the overall well-being of a relationship. 

So think about your intimacy goals and try to have this conversation with your partner so that you all may work on this together. And don't ever hesitate to leave a comment and/or question below or even email me if a consultation is more of your speed. I'd love to hear your thoughts!