Lack of Forgiveness In Your Relationship?

Have you ever wondered what could be blocking the emotional and/or physical intimacy in your relationship? One day, everything seems fine. The both of you are getting along for the most part and enjoying each other's company and then BAM... problems, distance, no sex, or a big argument. You often wonder, "Why do we keep going back and forth like this? What happened from the time we went to bed on Thursday night until the time we woke up on Friday morning?" The feeling sucks and it can be downright confusing and even painful. Well, believe it or not, there may be something lying underneath the surface that you've yet to forgive your partner for or they haven't fully forgiven you of something. 

When it comes to intimacy, many couples fail to understand the broad scope of what it entails. When there's lack of forgiveness, intimacy will suffer in some way because it becomes a barrier to closeness. Forgiveness is far deeper than just saying "I'm sorry" and "I won't do it again."It's important to fully understand the level of vulnerability that's required to navigate forgiveness. 

First, the couple has to recognize the specific wound in the relationship. This means there needs to be some effective communication going on as opposed to not addressing the real issue, "sweeping it under the rug", attacking one another, and/or giving each other the cold shoulder. Second, understanding the true impact of the wound. Many times, the hurt partner is harboring feelings of resentment and not being able to forgive because the other partner continues to go about their day as if the wound isn't that deep. This can appear to the hurt partner that their feelings are invalid or not that important. And third, the couple needs to identify how being transparent about the situation can positively impact their relationship (i.e. encouraging more open dialogue, discussing perspectives, recreating boundaries, etc.) and help them to heal, grow, and move forward.

Often times, we are not in tune with ourselves or one another to even recognize that our relationships are lacking forgiveness in some areas. I challenge you to think about some things that might still be a trigger for you or some sort in your relationship. If both of you approach the conversation from a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed one, it's very rare that you'll consistently have challenges with forgiveness.