When Was The Last Time You...

If there's one thing that can kill intimacy faster than a stray bullet to the head is complacency. Complacency can negatively impact any relationship, specifically in long term relationships. It's amazing how observant, accommodating, and engaged we are in our relationships at the beginning, but as we grow comfortable with each other, we begin to lose sight of that.

Have you ever heard your wife or girlfriend say, "You used to take me out for a romantic dinner once a week, but you stopped doing that"? Or have you heard your husband or boyfriend complain about how frequent and exciting sex was when you first started dating or got married and now he's barely receiving a decent BJ on his birthday? And I hate being stereotypical as it pertains to the sexes so this situation can also be flipped. But all in all, the message I'm trying to convey is some stuff done changed ya'll and it's because you've gotten too complacent. Let's dive into how to turn this around a bit for the better, shall we?

1. Try practicing viewing your partner with a fresh pair of eyes. While it's a great thing to know your partner's likes, dislikes, quirks, and nuances, don't ever get too comfortable and think that you know all there is to know about your partner. When you're willing to see your partner with a fresh pair of eyes, it can keep you on your toes and always willing to explore your partner as they continuously evolve. In a nutshell, go deeper sometimes. 

2. Set intimacy goals with one another. Take a look at one of my previous blog entries, New Year, New Intimacy Goals as I expound on this a bit more. If you've been married or in a relationship with someone for a few years and you have yet to discuss what you'd like to achieve in your romantic relationship or you have had this discussion before but you haven't visited this topic in a while, stop what you're doing right now and schedule this discussion with your partner. Not only does it give you something to look forward to, it also becomes a priority, thus leading to you both wanting to succeed at it.

3. Be the change you want to see. You know how you can get a bit cranky when your partner is not giving you what you desire? Well, I'm pretty sure there's an area of your relationship you can also step up in with regards to meeting your partner's needs. Sometimes we forget that we are not the only one who has needs and wants. Our partners do too so begin with being the change you want to see and allow your partner to follow suit. 

4. Appreciation can go a loooong way. A simple acknowledgment and/or thank you can do wonders for complacency in a relationship. Try expressing appreciation for how your partner shows up for you in your relationship. Yes, I'm pretty sure there are other areas that can use a serious fine tuning, but don't forget to acknowledge the good. You'd be surprised how a simple "thank you" can encourage your partner to step up in other areas. 

5. Hold yourself accountable. Sometimes you just gotta check yourself and say "Hey, I could do better." Don't always look to your partner to have to point out things about yourself. Take the initiative in holding yourself accountable and making the necessary changes.

What are some ways complacency has shown up in your relationship? How has it affected the intimacy between you and your partner?