Have you ever really stopped to think about all of the ways women are able to experience intimacy? Whether it's through friendships with other women, the bond that a woman may experience naturally with her children through pregnancy and/or breastfeeding, or women being able to express their emotions without necessarily being called "weak" or "soft". Now on the flip side, think about what intimacy may look like for men. I know crickets right? Society has done quite a bang-up job of not exactly promoting men to be emotional of any kind. They are taught that intimacy is just about sex and getting lots of it. But contrary to popular belief, men appreciate emotional intimacy as well. It may not always be expressed in ways in which women express it but it is still important to them. So when you think about building intimacy with the man in your life, try implementing a few things:

1. Support

Believe in your man and if you're having some challenges in this area, take an interest in what he's doing to gain a better understanding of his thought process. Sometimes simply understanding or seeking to understand him can help you support his endeavors. 

2. Initiate

Compliment your man sometimes, treat him to a nice restaurant or to an activity he enjoys sometimes, flirt with him sometimes, and initiate sex sometimes. Societal norms has conditioned men to be the pursuer in many facets of their life but when you initiate, you are showing your man you desire him as well. So many times, men are waiting for the green light from their woman when it comes to garnering her attention. When you initiate, you are granting him with the "go" signal and he's not left guessing or wondering if you desire him.

3. Hold space for him to be vulnerable

For men, vulnerability may not always show up in a plethora of emotions, but if he's telling you he's stressed about work or sharing excitement about a new hobby, that's him being vulnerable so create space for him to share that with you. And if he's done something to really upset you and he admits that he was wrong in doing or saying it, that's him expressing vulnerability too. It's okay to be angry but instead of throwing it back in his face, try to work together on finding a solution and growing through the issue. 

4. It's okay for him to say "no" sometimes

Again, for so long, the narrative in society has been that men are always ready and willing when it comes to sex. This is not always the case. Stress, health, and tiredness can be just a few things that contribute to men declining sex. Easier said than done but try not to take this personally. Obviously, if it becomes a habit, then further conversation is warranted but allow your man to exercise his right to say "no" as well without it becoming a thing.

5. Reject sex kindly

Now if it's you who isn't in the mood, try not to leave him hanging. You can express your reasons for turning down his advances, but offer an alternate time to engage with him sexually and follow through. Rejection can be hard for anyone but when you show up ready and excited next time, it can do wonders.

How do you connect with your man emotionally? Are you experiencing some challenges? Do you know how to connect with him emotionally? What are your thoughts?

Intimacy issues don't just appear overnight. Many times, there are various things transpiring in a relationship to get to this point. Here are a few reasons couples are facing intimacy issues:

1. Lack of Communication 

One thing I see often with couples is wanting their partner to just know and/or understand them without discussing what they need. I get it, you love each other, you share a last name, you share children, you see each other day in and day out, you've been through so much together. Your partner should just know right? Wrong. Express yourself. If there is something between you and your partner you think is an issue or you don't like, don't just walk around with an attitude, schedule some time with one another to discuss your thoughts. It's unfair to you and your partner when you don't speak up.

2. Depression, Anxiety, and/or Other Mental Illnesses

If you have ever personally experienced any of these things, then you know it can rear it's ugly head at any given moment. It can also affect our perception of certain issues. This is why it's imperative to be able to talk with a mental health professional to discover the root of any mental health concerns. Sometimes we can be "taking things out" on our partner or holding them accountable for things they have nothing to do with or have control over. Work on tackling those deeper issues so that your intimacy doesn't take a huge hit because of unresolved issues.

3. Resentment, Anger, and/or Mistrust

I see this a LOT in relationships. Whether it's one partner who comes and goes as they please without taking into consideration of the other partner's feelings to even infidelity, when these issues have yet to be resolved, resentment, anger and/or mistrust takes a front row seat and intimacy drifts away.

4. Having Children

Obviously, children are a result of physical intimacy and sometimes emotional intimacy as well, but they also require a lot of time, attention, energy, and planning. As much as I love the kids, lol they can also be a mood kill due to the many things they require. 

5. Other Commitments/Obligations

Let's face it. Most people don't live on a secluded island with their partner 24/7, so you will have other commitments that you should probably honor. With that being said, if intimacy with your partner is not prioritized, well then it will eventually disappear. 

Do any of these issues resonate with you? Do you consistently feel like intimacy is lost in your relationship or marriage? Are you struggling with how to restore that intimacy? What are your thoughts?

Be sure to check out The Ultimate 5-Day Intimacy Challenge.

Okay, so I'll just start by saying this. When anyone feels neglected in ANY situation for long periods of time, eventually they will go looking to fulfill that need. Now, the way in which they attempt to fulfill that need depends on various factors, but just know this can become a very alarming place in your marriage or relationship if it is left unnoticed for too long.

For the purpose of this post though, I'll be focusing on when a woman feels neglected in her relationship. Most importantly, the connection begins to fade. This can show up in a multitude of ways:

1. She may have difficulty trusting you because you don't keep her in the loop of what's going on in your life and/or decisions you're making, or you don't do the things you said you would do.

2. She may express her emotions by lashing out, crying often, complaining more frequently, giving you the silent treatment, saying disrespectful things towards you, etc.

3. She may speak negatively about herself because she may feel that she isn't good enough for you.

4. She may feel like she is the only one putting forth effort in your marriage/relationship.

5. She may stop arguing with you all together because she feels like she's exhausted everything she can do.

6. She may begin getting her needs met from another person outside of your marriage/relationship without your knowledge.

7. She may leave the marriage/relationship altogether.


These are just a few major tell-tale signs that your wife or girlfriend may be feeling neglected by you. Now, what can you do about it?

Communication is key of course so first, let your wife or girlfriend know that you've noticed some changes in your marriage and/or relationship that may be negatively impacting the intimacy between the two of you. Ask her when she is free to discuss the issue. This exhibits an awareness on your part that something is not quite right. This also shows that you're taking initiative to rectify the issues along with inviting her to share her thoughts and feelings. 

My clients have pretty much memorized this by now because I say it ALL the time and it's my acronym, L.U.V. that has proven to be extremely effective. First, you have to Listen to her thoughts and feelings without saying a word. Just try to process all that she is saying with no judgment. Second, try to Understand where she is coming from. This is a good time to ask clarifying questions so that you can truly grasp what is bothering her at her core. And lastly, Validate her feelings. It's understandable that the things that are bothering her may not impact you in the same way, but create a space for her to feel the way that she feels without diminishing her, encouraging her to feel insecure, and/or blaming her. 

You'd be amazed how a little LUV can go a long way when a woman is feeling neglected. Women have to FEEL that you care. Yes, you may provide for her financially, keep her out of harm's way, take care of the handiwork around the house, etc. These are all very important things as well. But when you neglect her in the ways mentioned above, this can translate to her that you don't value her.

If your marriage/relationship is a priority to you and SHE is a priority to you, take some time to listen to her, understand her, and validate her feelings. And ultimately, practice prioritizing what she desires from you. 



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It's always interesting to me when I work with or speak with couples who desire specific things in their relationship as it pertains to intimacy but they don't set the necessary goals to achieve it. Like I tell people all the time, if you want more communication, quality time, physical pleasure, understanding, etc., you have to first identify your intimacy goals and then create a plan to achieve it.

So I challenge you this. While you're making your new year's resolutions about exercising more, getting a better handle over your finances, or finding a new job and/or starting a new business, incorporate some intimacy goals with your partner as well.

Not sure where to start? No problem! Here are a few intimacy goals that I like to provide for couples. I've found as they begin with this list, they get inspired to incorporate more of what suits them.

1. Improve communication skills. This is honestly a lifelong skill that goes a long way no matter if you're in a romantic or platonic relationship. My acronym LUV (Listen, Understand, and Validate) is a sure fire way to improve your communication skills. Instead of talking AT one another, this helps you to effectively communicate with each other. This promotes vulnerability, safety, security, and true intimacy which is vital to any relationship.

2. Conflict Management Skills. Let's face it. You and your partner will not always agree or see things from the same or even similar perspective. This is human nature and the sooner you realize and accept that, the better off you'll be. I have spoken with so many couples who present similar issues in their relationship but the difference is how they handle it. The ability to handle conflict in a constructive, healthy way is an essential element to an intimate relationship.

This will challenge you to dive deeper into what the real issue or issues are and face it head on. So many couples are arguing about things that aren't even the real issue and wonder why they keep spinning their wheels. There is a more effective way to "fight", get your needs met, and move forward but the skills needed to achieve this are so necessary.

3. Increase the quality of physical pleasure. You see I didn't say increase sex in your relationship here. The reason for this is because intimacy isn't always about penetration or orgasms. It's about the quality of the physical experience that brings you closer together.

Physical touch also has physiological benefits as studies have shown that it can lower levels of cortisol which is the stress hormone, decrease symptoms of physical problems such as aches and pains and can increase oxytocin (aka, the "love drug").

When a couple is not consistently engaging in physical touch, this can create a distance between lovers and diminish the overall well-being of a relationship. 

So think about your intimacy goals and try to have this conversation with your partner so that you all may work on this together. And don't ever hesitate to leave a comment and/or question below or even email me if a consultation is more of your speed. I'd love to hear your thoughts!