ANGIE D. LEE
  • Home
  • Meet Angie
  • Books
  • Contact
  • News
  • Events
  • Blog
Picture

​Grab your cup of coffee or tea and enjoy some LEEsure reading on me...

ANGIE D. LEE

Something New is now available for Pre-Order on Amazon here!

Father's Day

6/18/2018

2 Comments

 
I must admit, Father's Day is sort of a tricky time for me. It's not exactly hard, it not exactly easy, but it's rather confusing at times.

So, whew, here's a bit of transparency. Growing up, my dad, was sort of in my life, sort of out of my life. Out of respect for him and our history, I will not disclose the details. But I will say this, I really enjoyed my childhood but I craved the desire to experience what being a "daddy's girl" felt like. I did not have that. I can't explain my dad's side of the story because I don't know it, he never told me. But I was an observant and intuitive child, so I "saw" a lot and as I continued to get older, I started putting together the pieces of the puzzle. 

I want to fast forward for the sake of word count and say, I was 21 when I made a conscious decision not to be angry. At the time, I was dating my now husband and intuitively, I think I knew that being angry with my dad would not help my relationship with my husband. I never really planned to have children but I knew if I were to have any, I would like them to know my dad but not in the way I knew him. I wanted to foster a "new" relationship for them, a relationship void of baggage.

I always refrained from sharing a lot about my past with my dad because I did not want to portray him in a negative light. Also, the era in which he is from, "sweeping things under the rug", I hate to say, was a common practice. But today, yes, my dad and I have conversations on the phone, we've taken each other out to eat, we laugh together, he has a relationship with my husband and my children, and we definitely see each other on holidays and birthdays. I can appreciate more now as an adult what my dad deposited into me which is my love of writing, incense and art. I know classical as well as contemporary jazz and can name drop with the best of them because of him. Since that day that I made a conscious decision not to be angry with him, these are the things that I choose to focus on. 

But every time I walk in a store and I try to pick out a Father's Day card because I know my dad likes to keep those, I struggle because nothing applies. He never taught me how to ride a bike, or attend assemblies at my school, or talk with me about boys or teach me how to fix a flat tire. I promise I don't say this to bash him, I just struggle sometimes because that was not our history. And those are the times I wish they made cards for us in between kind of folks who never experienced that stuff. Some years I can just roll with it and other times, it just hurts. I wish I could have made this a warm and fuzzy blog entry, but it's just not. These are my honest feelings. Sometimes, I feel like my love for my dad is even deeper than I thought because it's the constant work I am doing on myself to understand our relationship.  

This Father's Day was just one of those days... thanks for baring with me.
2 Comments
Denise M. Baran-Unland link
6/23/2018 04:25:21 pm

It's like that with my dad, too. Fortunately, we still get to choose to love someone whether or not they choose to love us back in the way we need it.

Reply
Angie
6/25/2018 01:09:53 pm

You are so right Denise! And literally the day after I wrote that entry, I actually ended up talking with my dad and having a really good heart to heart. That entry is called Father's Day Part 2 :).

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    January 2021
    December 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    November 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

© COPYRIGHT 2020. ANGIE D. LEE.
  • Home
  • Meet Angie
  • Books
  • Contact
  • News
  • Events
  • Blog